What is Your Ecological Footprint?

Ever since the launch of Planet Green, I've been glued to my couch, wasting energy with the tube on all day. I wonder if they were prepared for this spike in electricity usage. Anyway, like any guilty, self-hating liberal, I felt bad about what a wasteful little piggy I am, so I decided to find out what my ecological footprint is. As it turns out, we would need 4.4 planets if everyone maintained my level of environmental abuse. I'm going to work on lowering this and let you guys know how I manage to do it. I mostly need to work on what I eat, since it's the majority of it is processed junk. In all fairness, though, I would say at least 60% of my processed junk comes from the Central PA area. I also have to think about recycling and what I am going to sort. The verdict is still out on whether recycling is actually beneficial in terms of energy usage, but aluminum seems to be a safe bet at least. And Central Pennsylvanians, I hate to tell you this, but our region ranks 9th worst in the country for our carbon footprint. We need to push for more public transportation, lobby to shut down the Harrisburg incinerator, and buy more local products to cut down on the truck traffic. I would love to see the fabled train service between York and Carlisle go up already. In the meantime, take the footprint quiz and see how you fair.

Calling all Satellite Radio Listeners

I like to turn on my XM Radio boombox while I splash around the pool, and I discovered something totally delightful today. XMU, channel 43, has a show called AIRTime, (Artists in Residence), every Tuesday. For the month of June, The Black Keys are hosting, and these guys know how to make a playlist. XMU was rerunning last night's broadcast, and among the artists the bluesy duo selected were My Bloody Valentine, Joy Division, Gorillaz, Brian Eno, The Stooges, LCD Soundsystem, T. Rex, Luna, The Kinks, as well as some 60s soul, jazz, and blues that I wasn't familiar with but definitely enjoyed hearing. While I don't have anything against The Black Keys, I was surprised and impressed at our mutual affinity for 70s glam. So I recommend those of you with access to this musically delicious (almost like Lucky Charms) program to tune in next week for more musical goodies. XMU is also available through DirecTV and online. I'm not sure if it's available as a free channel over the internet, but it's almost worth paying to hear it! Happy listening!

Prank Text Messaging

As I was sitting at the table eating dinner with my family this evening, I received a text message from a number I didn't recognize. Ordinarily I would have just ignored it, but I decided to have some fun with it. Enjoy!:

7175551234: Are you going to the school physicals?
Me: What?
7175551234: Are you playing tennis this year?
Me: Yeah, and i just made the hooger team. What about you?
7175551234: Hooger team? Theres the school physicals at 6.. R u going?
Me: I've already had my hooger physical for this year
7175551234: Ooohh. Booo.

Ok, so not the most clever thing in the world, but I like to think I just made someone think that a snobby high school tennis player is high as a kite. I'm even more excited about the prospect of the person whose messages I intercepted actually showing up for the high school physical and having his or her friend ask how to try out for the hooger team.

Who's Going to Toronto? I am! (I hope)

Our friendly neighbors to the north are putting our Virgin Mobile Festival to shame again, just like they did last year. But I'm thinking, it's not a bad drive, and tickets aren't too expensive, so why the hell not?!

Also added were The Kooks, Shudder to Think, The Fratellis, The Cribs, and a few others. I've already seen Spiritualized, Oasis, Stereophonics, and unfortunately the Foo Fighters, but I'm making a pilgrimage for Weller, my Modfather. Now I just have to renew my passport. Maybe this isn't going to be as cheap as I hoped...

A Diamond What?!

I've been anticipating this one since March, and it's finally available to us Americans as of today. Yes, boys and girls, Supergrass are at it again with Diamond Hoo Ha! I haven't listened to the whole thing yet, but from what I've heard, I'm quite delighted. If you're craving the quirky early 1970s inspired mash up of glam and mod from the Grass's earlier days, though, I think you'll be disappointed with this release. If you were to put Supergrass in a 70s glam rock continuum, you could say their early days were more Cockney Rebel, but they're more on the Iggy Pop end now that they've reached adolescence (yes, Supergrass is 15 years old. Jesus Christ). Their signature ability to weave a catchy pop-tune into a rock song is still present, and this album isn't as raw as Mr. Pop by any means, but it is more narrowly a rock album than anything they have previously released. It sounds like something my dad would have listened to in high school, but that's not a bad thing. I dare say that it could easily have mass American mainstream appeal with the popularily of The Raconteurs in recent years, so we'll see what happens. It's no Life on Other Planets, but it's a good change of pace.

On a related new release note, I still haven't heard the new Coldplay. I guess since I use Microsoft and not Apple for my music, I may be waiting for a while. But that's ok. I will not break down and buy it, I will not break down and buy it, I will not break down and buy it...

One week later...

I just thought I would drop a line to let you know that I haven't gone anywhere. As I mentioned last week, I got the pool swim-ready, and on the days that it hasn't been raining, I have literally been outside splashing around and reading until the sun goes down. I've been averaging one book about every two days, and maybe at this point I'm just so consumed with someone else's words that I have none of my own. I also had a pretty insane week with my family, so I've been distracted. I'm trying to avoid my usual pitfall of divulging too much personal information in this blog, and since that really has been the only thing on my mind for the most part, it's been hard to write. That, and I think the sun has probably fried a lot of my brain cells. The utter relaxation in the sun has made me want to start writing creatively. I've been bouncing a couple of ideas around in my head, so if anything comes of that, I will be sure to keep everyone posted. I've just in a weird, listless, nostaglic kind of mood. I'll snap out of it. I'm still drunk on summer, but once the hangover ensues, I'll be back to my normal self.

Fun with Yahoo's Babel Fish

Ok, I knew I couldn't stay away very long. I'd like to share with you all a game I play online whenever I'm bored out of my mind and can't think of anything better to do. First, you take a line from a song you like (the more slang in it, the better). Next, you plug that lyric into the Yahoo! Babel Fish text translator (I usually do English to French). Then you copy the translation, paste it into the text box, and translate it back into English. What you get is a beautifully hilarious jumbled version of what the original lyric was.

My personal favorite is from Pulp's "I Spy"--"Grass is something you smoke, birds are something you shag, so take your year in Provence and shove it up your ass."

After the French translation back into English, this is what we are left with: "Turf is something which you smoke, the birds are something you shake, thus take your year in Provence and push-that to the top of your ESA."

The line was much funnier when it was run through Altavista, but the Yahoo! crew still manages to butcher it splendidly.

Also, here is the butchered translation of the opening lines to the Buzzcocks' "Orgasm Addict":
"You l' tested just for once, noted qu' well; it is well for eruptions, but you now found outside that c' is a practice which sticks. and you are a fanatic d' orgasm."

Try it out yourself. Let me know which hilarious linguistic debaucles you encounter!

Apologies

I've been a little quiet these past couple of days, but I promise I won't be for long. I've been enjoying hiding in solitude reading the Orson Scott Card Ender series, but once I'm finished frolicking with dorkdom, there will be more of my political lamentations and oddball miscellany. I've finally gotten my pool to swim-ready status, too, so I'll be working on not looking like a shut-in that blogs all day and reads sci-fi in her spare time. But until next post, ladies and gents, I wish you happiness in your own adventures, whatever they may be.

Fluffy Post

In light of my recent angry posts, tonight/this morning I have decided to forget about the big, ugly world out there and take you all on a video-filled journey through the world of Neil Hannon and The Divine Comedy. May music warm your souls, my friends. Goodnight!

This video alone demonstrates why this is my favorite band. It's silly, it's smart, it's catchy. Perfect. "Trafalgar" was written as a joke of sorts, in Neil Hannon's attempt to show BBC viewers how to compose a perfect Eurovision song:

The next clip is taken from the Father Ted episode 'Song for Ireland.' The song was in reality composed by Neil Hannon, but in the episode, Fathers Ted & Dougal came up with this ditty to win the Eurovision song contest for Ireland. The "My Lovely Horse" video comes to us courtesy of Father Dougal's fucked-up dreams. I've seen this countless times, but I can't stop laughing at the psychedlic horse head at the end of the video:

The next song is a cover of a rock song that was very popular a few years back. When I saw The Divine Comedy in 2004, Neil told us this exact same story as he's going to tell in the video. I was thrilled (the brooding gaze... the cheek bones... it kills me). I don't want to ruin the "punchline," so check it out and enjoy:

Finally, this song is the culmination of everything this band is. "Tonight We Fly" is arguably one of the most beautiful pop songs ever composed, and I am putting it in writing that it's to be played at my funeral, right after the champagne flutes and cigarettes are handed out. 'This life is the best we've ever had':

Political Roundup

Headlines from Democracy Now!:

-Scott McLellan stated that President Bush admitted to being the one who authorized the leak of CIA operative Valerie Plame's name to the press. Boys and girls, that is treason. I'm not calling for a hanging, but can we at least get an impeachment? Surely treason would warrant it if a blowjob does. If Dick Cheney weren't Vice President, this asshole would have been out of office years ago. I think everyone is too terrified to go after Bush because that would mean President Cheney. Admittedly, there is some sound reasoning to that. I think that was their evil plan all along.

-Experts predict that food prices will continue to rise. About one month ago, however, Democracy Now also reported that agricultural firms posted record profits last quarter. How have their profits increased if food prices have increased? One would expect increased revenue, but not profit. People are struggling here in the States, but it's nothing compared to the devestation these prices have had in Eastern Africa. If these companies are manipulating the market through price gouging, they need to be held accountable. People are dying to the tune of 40,ooo a day because they can't get enough to eat. How much is greed responsible for those deaths? I'm not an economist obviously, so if I'm misguided on this issue, please correct me; I'm genuinely baffled.

-A group of American activists were convicted for protesting Gitmo. 34 activists will spend up to
60 days in prison for participating in a January 11 demonstration. See guys, it's not hard to hold a trial. Just do the same for the prisoners in Guantanamo, and you won't have to try any more protestors.

While I'm on the Subject of Advertising...

This is some of the most ridiculous bullshit I've read in the recent past:

Rachel Ray is a jihadist?

When will we stop cowering to right-wing nutjobs?

Chris Martin, You Actually Have Turned into Bono.

As I was watching tonight's episode of Top Chef and reading Ender's Game during the commercial break, my ears were delighted to hear a new Coldplay song, but my eyes were distressed at what they witnessed:



And compare that to this:



Some of you may be wondering what the problem is. Allow me to explain. About six years ago in an interview on MTV2, Chris Martin said that you would never see them in commercials supporting corporations. He used Pepsi as an example, but really, what's the difference between Pepsi and Apple when it comes down to it? Some could argue that the commercial isn't an Apple commercial, it's a Coldplay one, but I would beg to differ. Coldplay doesn't need commercials; that's what the radio is supposedly for. I always thought Chris Martin naming his daughter Apple wasn't a reference to the corporation, but maybe I'm mistaken and they're repaying the favor. Either way, I'm incredibly disappointed in the hypocrisy. Chris Martin is an outspoken advocate of Fair Trade and environmentalism, yet Apple rates last on Greenpeace's list of electronics companies with acceptable levels of toxins in their products. Some of these toxins contribute to global warming, not to mention that Apple has no reusing or recycling procedure in place for its products. And speaking of Fair Trade, Apple is being investigated for using sweat shop labor in China to manufacture its iPods! Chris, Chris, Chris!

Someone recently complained to me that the new Coldplay single "Violet Hill" sounds too much like U2. I vehemently disagreed with this observation, and I still stand by it. I do think, however, a more fair assessment would be, "Chris Martin is too much like Bono." You can't support the cause of the exploited and sleep with the exploiter, something Bono does far too often. It's a shame, because I really like the two new Coldplay songs I've heard. I think I'll just have to download the album illegally when it comes out. Afterall, they won't need my money anyway after selling their souls to Steve Jobs.

Top Chef Vengeance

Spiritualized Update

Spiritualized's Songs in A&E was released in the United States yesterday, so if you liked "Soul on Fire," go out and buy it!

Do I Like The Ting Tings?

I first heard about The Ting Tings in March of this year after reading NME and witnessing their over-hype machine du jour. The Ting Tings have been showered with all the fantastic accolades that I have come to expect from the British press. Where once stood The Arctic Monkeys, Bloc Party, Franz Ferdinand, The Libertines, and at one time, even Menswe@r, now stands this Salford duo. While I am sick of hearing about NME's next new band to save British music, I stand by the fact their track record is pretty solid, well, with Menswe@r as the exception (don't get me wrong, I love those guys, but they were pretty much just a flash in the pan). The Libertines possessed an energy and lust for life that hadn't been present in English music in years, and they would have made it if it weren't for Pete Doherty's habitual desire to destroy himself at every possible opportunity. Franz Ferdinand and Bloc Party have proven they can run with the big dogs and they aren't going to be relegated to one-hit-wonderdom (even though I'm still not a big fan of Bloc Party). And perhaps the biggest surprise of them all is The Arctic Monkeys. After all of the hype, everyone was certain that these boys were going to be forced back to their garage within a year. They have already released two very solid albums in a brief amount of time, not to mention Alex Turner's new project The Last Shadow Puppets which showcases songwriting versalitity and adaptability that proves this guy is no joke. So how do The Ting Tings fall in with the rest of this crew?

Maybe they will "save" British music; I just don't know how much I enjoy the life boat. I downloaded (legally) the single "Hey DJ" in March, and appreciated it for it's catchy, toe-tapping qualities. Then came the iPod commercial. The first couple of times I saw it, I didn't know it was them, and honestly, I didn't like it. Frankly I thought the song was a little annoying and remniscent of a less polished CSS. It has grown on me a little bit since, but I could still do without it. So that brings me to today. I noticed that their album We Started Nothing was available for download in the Zune marketplace ahead of the June 10th United States street date, so I decided to give it a try. After listening to the song that awarded them major-label distribution, "That's Not My Name," I realized that I am truly ambivalent about this band. What I don't like about their music is that Katie White rarely actually sings; it's more of an obnoxious snotty cheerleader chant throughout the songs. When she does sing, though, I love it, and I'm nostalgic for the britpop groups of old fronted by pretty blondes. The bridge in "That's Not My Name" could have been on a Dubstar album, but I could leave the rest of the track. "Fruitfly" is an improvement with a Shirley Bassey or Nancy Sinatra groove that would be right at home in swinging London. In "Traffic Light" we actually get to hear Katie White sing again, and I have to scratch my head in wonder. Why doesn't she do this all the time? She has a very jazzy tone to her vocals and it works far better than the "nyah-nyah" tone to the other songs. Musically, I love "Keep Your Head," with it's bouncy britpop sensibilities, but once again the cheerleader strikes back. The stand-out track for me is "Be The One" with its Peter Hook bassline and perfectly constructed pop riffs that absolutely could have been released in 1996 (and yes, for me, that's a good thing).

So after my initial album preview, I'm still left with ambivalence and haven't come up with an answer to the title of my post. I adore about half of the album, and the other half would only be enjoyable at a house party, which is better than not being enjoyable at all, I guess. I've only listened to We Started Nothing once, so perhaps with more time I can figure out what the hell is going on with this band and whether or not the NME has its head up its ass.

The music video for "That's Not My Name':


By the way, if you click on my Zune card to the left of the blog, you can scroll through the music I've recently listened to. The Ting Tings album should be on there. If you select it, you can preview the tracks for yourself and let me know what you think of it.

Shame on Us

I just finished watching HBO's Recount. A word to the wise--don't go near this unless you intend to seethe with anger. Actually, no, I take that back. Watch it, and think long and hard about how we as Americans failed ourselves and our nation. Each and every one of us. Sure, I was only 16 in the year 2000, obviously not old enough to vote, but even those of us without a ballot have voices that shouldn't go unheard.

I'm not going to rehash the plot of the film, seeing that if you were paying the least bit of attention, you already know what happened. To its credit, though, I was so carried away at a couple of points while watching it, I almost believed that there would be justice at the end and President Gore would be inaugurated. So much for David and Goliath.

This may seem to be a case of sour grapes, and you know what, maybe it is, but it has nothing to do with being a democrat, republican, or whatever party you choose to affiliate with. The bottom line is that thousands of people did not have their votes counted--thousands of citizens disenfranchised. 20,000 more of them were placed on an arbitrary list, denied their constitutional rights to cast a ballot because their names were similiar to those of felons--more than 10,000 of said people being African-American. Out of this list of supposed "felons," only 33 of them had actually ever been convicted of a crime. How did this happen!? We bent over and took it in the ass from Katherine Harris and nine supreme court justices, because in this country, fuck liberty, it's all about respecting the "law." I hate to tell you this, but we are not a nation of law abiders. Our forefathers were revoluntionary outlaws, refusing to subject themselves to an unjust authority, or so the mythology goes. When authority oversteps its bounds, it's our reponsibility, no--our honor--as Americans to beat the shit out of it. Thomas Jefferson said so himself, only in slightly more eloquent terms.

We have to stop being so complacent, which ultimately makes us complicit. I'd love to blame Katherine Harris or James Baker or the Supreme Court or Al Gore or Ralph Nader. Where do we come into the fold, though? George W. Bush was not our president. He only had as much authority as we were willing to bestow upon him. After 2004, he legitimized himself, which was probably a good way to heal some of our wounds, but he shouldn't have been running for re-election that year in the first place. We should have gone on strike, a nation-wide halt of all activity. Then maybe our voices would have been heard. Most people today believe that we had to accept Bush as our president so the nation could move on and come back together. I call bullshit on that one. Sometimes you need to fight back, and yeah, it gets ugly, but it's the only way to ensure that you are taken seriously.

We set up the precedent for this administration. We took the 2000 election lying down, and George W. Bush realized that we were a people who would go along with anything in the name of authority and "patriotism." So after a war, a recession, a credit crisis, skyrocketing debt, innumerous human rights and Geneva Convention violations, Hurricane Katrina, the outing of a CIA agent, and a general nonregard of our civil liberties, I think we have paid the price and learned our lesson. Which is precisely why Senator Clinton needs to do the honorable thing and get out of this race. Mrs. Clinton, we have had enough of our votes being held in little regard by those with immense power and money. If you expect the super delegates of the Democratic party to ignore the majority of their constituents and appoint you as their candidate, you are no better than Mr. Bush and his cronies. I have said it before and I will say it until a candidate is chosen, but if the Democratic party goes against its voters' wishes in this primary, I am leaving it for life, and you can be damn sure that she is not getting my vote.

Oh, and before I forget, the real bitch of all of this is that Gore won.



On a less divisive note, director/actor Sydney Pollack passed away this morning. He produced HBO's Recount, and I hope he at least died with the peace of mind that he went out on top. My thoughts are with his friends and family and all of those fortunate enough to have worked with him over the years.

Americans in Paris

Maybe this is cheating, but I've been a bit distracted this weekend, so I don't think I'll have a proper post until the holiday is through. In the meantime, though, I'd like to direct you to my friend Joe's Blog, where I received a post dedication. It's a well-written introduction to the film Paris Blues, and it features some video of my favorite person--well, one of my favorite people. Now if only Neil Hannon were in the background playing the melodica, I'd never have to watch another thing for the rest of my life.

Have a wonderful Memorial Day everyone!

Music Friday; Or, Something I Decided to Add to my Zune Today

I realize I may be lagging a little on this one, but there is a new Spiritualized single, and it is arguably one of Mr. Pierce's best yet. Inspired by a near-death experience in 2005, "Soul on Fire" is the most uplifting song of desperate redemption I've yet to hear (not that I've heard that many). The album from which the single was taken, Songs in A&E, was released this week in the UK. I'm not sure when the US street date is, but I imagine it'll be before July's Pitchfork Music Festival, which Spiritualized will be headlining.

The video for "Soul on Fire":


"Freedom is just another word for when you have no one left to hurt."

For Dr. S.G.H.

Late-Night Snack

This was a screentest of Paul Newman and James Dean for East of Eden. I'm not sure who is prettier. With that, I'm off to bed, surely to have sweet dreams, and I wish the same for all of you!

Miscellaneous Roundup

-I'm losing my will to watch Top Chef. I just caught up on the past two episodes. There's only one chef I actually like left in the competition, and seeing that for the past three weeks straight my favorites have been picked off one by one, I'm considering sparing myself the pain and just not watching anymore. Thanks for wasting my Wednesday nights for the past 8 weeks, Tom Colicchio. I guess on a slightly more positive note, odds are that we will see our first female Top Chef this season--before we see our first female President, as I predicted.

-It's about effin' time! Yes, that's right boys and girls, Karl Rove is finally getting subpoenaed (sp?). Time for Satan's father to get his comeuppance. I give you this promise--if he is indicted, on anything, I will throw the biggest party that East Berlin has ever seen. Hopefully it will coincide with my first-annual Franco-American Independence Party this July.

-GEICO needs more Cavemen! If you've got hair and a large sloping forehead, GEICO has a job for you! Bless you, Craigslist.

-Apparently you had a missed connection with Jesus. And he likes your boobs.

Don't Just Stand There...

Bust a move!


http://view.break.com/506192 - Watch more free videos

BTW, I just went on boingboing, and a commenter said that if you go to YouTube and type in "Best Buy Dance," there are loads of equally hilarious videos. Happy watching!

Sci-fi and... Poop?

After some solitary champagne swilling with Paul Newman's beautiful face beaming out of my television in 1080i, I decided to do some book shopping yesterday evening with the boyfriend and the boy friend. I needed a Shakespeare antidote, and what better cure than science fiction. I've dabbled in the genre before, though mostly just through Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials books and Ursula K. LeGuin's Wizard of Earthsea and some her short stories. In all fairness, I guess those are fantasy books, so with the exception of my vast collection of dystopian novels by British authors, I'm a "noob" when it comes to this sort of thing. I read an article in February's edition of WIRED magazine about science fiction being the last bastion of philosophical literature, and it convinced me to give it a try. I realized after reading the article that that's why I don't actually read a lot of contemporary fiction and literature; it all feels very surface. Excluding a couple of Douglas Coupland novels, Chuck Palahniuk, and arguably Zadie Smith, I just don't feel that the new kids have any interesting questions to pose to us.

So at the suggestion of WIRED magazine, I picked up a collection of stories by Cory Doctorow called Overclocked. At the suggestion of my boyfriend, I picked up three novels in the Ender series by Orson Scott Card. More on the books later, though, because the night got really weird. After our visit to the bookstore, the three of us decided to go out for some food and beer. Considering where this story is going, I'm not going to give you the name of where we went, but let's just say that it's a "family" establishment with a welcoming name in Mechanicsburg on the Carlisle Pike that serves food and alcohol until 2 am (and no, it wasn't Hooters). When we arrived, I was shocked to see a friend of mine that I'd lost touch with after several falling-outs and mutual changes of residence. We were best friends from the time I was nine, when I first moved to Pennsylvania, until I was fourteen, when I became involved with my first serious boyfriend, so she was there for all the weird, awkward stuff that I hope she takes to her grave. Before I went to college in New Jersey we rekindled our friendship, but we lost touch for the most part after I moved. I believe we ran away together a couple of times while I was a junior, too. But anyway, she was our waitress, which initially made me break out into a cold sweat, but as the night wore on, I became more comfortable, and was actually glad to have run into her. All of the weird issues we had were as children and struggling adolescents. Now that we've both reached adulthood, I think I might give that friendship a cautious second chance. But anyway, back to the really weird thing. While she was standing at the bar getting drink orders for one of her tables, a smelly man came up to her and said, "I just wanted to let you know you're doing a great job," before akwardly stumbling away to the bathroom. When she went to take the drinks to her table, she discovered two pieces of... well, poop, on the floor on the way to the bathroom. I did see someone sweeping it up, but I wasn't sure what they were doing. I also don't know how I didn't notice someone crapping on the floor. I was just thankful I had finished my food. Needless to say, we quickly finished our drinks and got the hell out of there, because for some reason, this renegade public crapper wasn't asked to leave the establishment. I'm still gagging thinking about it. Blegh. I have never been in this girl's presence and not had something fucked up happen. It's not her fault, but she apparently has some kind of life force that draws the weirdest shit, literally, out of people.

So yeah, back to books! When we got home last night, I stayed up for a couple of hours reading Cory Doctorow's Overclocked. I'm only halfway through it, but I'm pleased that I decided to pick it up. The first story, "Printcrime," is inspired by copyright infringement and illegal downloads. The premise is that there are 3D copy machines where you can replicate virtually anything you want to. Naturally, the government is none-too-pleased about this machine and those who choose to use it, and the action of the story centers on a girl whose father is arrested for illegal copying. The next story is called "When Sysadmins Ruled the Earth," and it's a riveting apocalyptic story where the only survivors, more or less, are system administrators who were busy repairing servers in a practically air-tight building when all of the bad shit went down. This story was overflowing with geek speak, so I felt as though I needed a translator through large portions of it (and in fact I did use my boyfriend as a translator). Once I got past the language barrier, though, I adored it. The story proposes a sort of anarcho-cyber-utopia, which is nothing less than badass, of course. The last one I read, and definitely my favorite thus far, is "Anda's Game" (Get it? Like Ender's Game? Yes, clever). Socialists, this one's for you. A young English girl named Anda is a member of a guild (I think that's the proper terminology, I'm not dorky enough for this stuff yet) in a MMORPG (that's massively multi-player online role-playing game for those of you who are even less dork savvy than I). She and her friend are offered the opportunity to do in-game missions for cash, which they naturally accept. They soon discover, though, that when they arrive to slaughter their targets, their targets are holed up in a cabin, making t-shirts for "game gold." I don't want to reveal too much more, because I really recommend that everyone read this story. I love it. I will just say, in case you haven't connected the dots, that this story deals with child labor and sweatshops, and this shit actually happens. Check out this link for more information on gold-farming and wage slavery: Wage Slaves from 1UP.com. Also, the story is available to read on Salon.com, so do yourself a favor and check it out: Anda's Game.

As a slight side-bar, Cory Doctorow is a co-founder of boingboing.net, which is one of my favorite educational time-wasting sites on the net. As of today, I'm adding the boingboing RSS feed to my blog. If you haven't been there, I also recommend looking into it.

That's it for now, over and out.

A Midsummer Night's Dream

Well, Mr. Shakespeare, you have done it again. You've managed to entertain me with your poetry while still using the same old stale plot devices--forbidden love, a play within a play, and of course, it must always end with a wedding. I did enjoy reading A Midsummer Night's Dream more than the previous three plays I've gone through this week. The language is pure poetry through and through, arguably the most beautiful of any of his works, so I managed to get through the entire play with little or no labor. And yes, this one made me laugh more than any I've previously read, but I love jokes about butts, and there are plenty of them in here. That's the great thing about Shakespeare--you can feel high-brow in taking pleasure in the literature, but really it's just catering to a very base sense of humor, which I proudly possess. I'll take beautiful verse and toilet humor entwined into one any day!

I've decided that this is the last of the Shakespeare for the time being, though. My thoughts are literally pacing through my mind in iambic pentameter and it's driving me insane. I can't read prose right now either because of the stitled rhythm I've instilled into my brain. Also, as I previously suggested, Shakespeare is a bit of a five-trick pony. The plots are preditable, the comedies invariably end in a marriage, and there is always a case of mistaken identity if not misdirected love. The tragedies are another story, but they are formulaic in their own right, not to mention that I've already read them, so I can't mix them into my current quest. Essentially I enjoy Shakespeare for the language. And once his language has stopped possessing my own, I will come back to it. In the meantime, I leave you with the ever-so hilarious Uncyclopedia's take on A Midsummer Night's Dream. Here is just a teaser from my favorite Irishman:

“Yeah, I tried to write a poem about asses once. Although it wasn't so much of a poem as it was a reenactment. And it wasn't so much a reenactment as it was an enactment. And it wasn't so much doing it once as it was doing it several times per day. And it wasn't so much doing it several times per day as it was doing it constantly with every man, woman, and stoat in the town.”
~ Oscar Wilde

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/A_Midsummer_Night%27s_Dream

Measure for Measure

I was faced with a tough decision today: watch the Jimmy Stewart marathon on TCM in honor of his 100th birthday, or read Measure for Measure. I opted for the latter, since I already spend an unhealthy amount of time in front of the tube, not to mention I get better bragging rights for the literature. Out of the three Shakespearean comedies I've read this week, Measure for Measure takes its rightful place as my favorite. There's no cross-dressing this time around, but disguises and hidden indentities are still abound (oh, I'm rhyming now. See what a week of Shakespeare will do?). In case you haven't noticed, I like the sex plays. For years I was on a steady literary diet of Henry Miller and Anais Nin, so I'm naturally inclined to prefer the scandalous subject matter to the more benign. The premise of the action is that Claudio impregnates Juliet out of wedlock, an offense for which he is sentenced to death while the Duke is "out of town." The crafty duke isn't actually out of town at all, though, he's just galavanting around Vienna as a friar while Angelo and his milquetoast brother act as substitute rulers. I realize I shouldn't give too much away concerning plot in case anyone who hasn't read this would like to. I'll just say that I enjoyed this one not only for the bawdy material (whores, pimps, brothels, pre-marital sex, sexual blackmail--gold), but it's politically pertinent to the current climate. The overarching theme is that of the ability of power to corrupt, and the verse is beautifully anti-authoritarian--enough to make any Marxist girl giggle with giddiness. "It is excellent to have a giant's strength; but it is tyrraneous to use it like a giant." There is even a tinge of anti-war sentiment in the first act, which I found rather surprising, seeing that war was generally regarded as a glorious affair in that time. This is definitely the liberal's Shakespeare. I don't have any silly commentary to bestow this time around, but next is A Midsummer Night's Dream, so just wait for it.

Oh, and as a side-note, if I prayed, I would be praying for the Kennedy family right now, for what it's worth. I wish the senator a speedy recovery. Despite his faults, he has been a constant voice of reason and justice in this country.

Bad Poetry Corner, Installment #1

So we all know that person. You know who I'm talking about. The person who decides it's a brilliant idea to air his or her grievances towards another on a MySpace blog, authoring angsty vagaries in an attempt at subtle cleverness, but actually achieving the discretion of a nail bomb through the head. You've probably been that person at some point. I have. A friend of mine has recently dealt with one such literary and social networking blasphemer, and since it wouldn't be fair to post this person's actual bad poetry, I've decided to create my own. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, here is the world wide web debut of my very own "HATE."

HATE by Kat C. (my name sounds more hipster poet this way)

H is for the hair you left in my shower
A is for the asshole that you are
T is for the time I told you I loved you, but I lied
E is for everything I hate, which is you

Thank you, thank you.

Adventures with Billy S.

Seeing that I still have a good six weeks of involuntary state sponsored vacation left, I'm attempting to complete the Complete Works of William Shakespeare, partially out of boredom, but mainly for the bragging rights. This quest started last week, and what better place to begin in the complete works of Bill than in the beginning. But that's not actually where I started, because the first play was The Tempest, and since I'd already read it, I proceeded onto Two Gentlemen of Verona. Unfortunately it's not incredibly fresh in my memory, so I'll just sum it up by saying that I didn't dislike it. There was cross-dressing, which I'm beginning to realize old Bill must have done in his spare time. The incessant use of this plot device is borderline obsessive! So yeah, Julia pretends to be a page boy to stalk her douchebag lover/fiance, who has betrayed his best friend and is trying to steal his woman. Launce has an unhealthy attachment to his dog, if you know what I mean, and Valentine turns into Robin Hood. Yeah, it was fun. To give a more intellectual interpretation, I appreciated the portrayal of the servant/master relationship. The servants tend to possess more knowledge and cunning than those they serve, which is a subtle pre-Industrial Revolution commentary on capitalism if I may say so.

Next in the compilation is The Merry Wives of Windsor. I read the first two scenes, yawned, and skipped to the next play. I'll come back to it later... maybe. So that brings us to Twelfth Night; Or, What You Will. I flew through this one. It is a far superior work to Two Gentlemen in my opinion. The only downside is that I kept picturing Viola as Amanda Bynes from She's The Man. Which brings me to my next comment--you've got it--more cross-dressing!!! This time it was more interesting, though. This play is teeming with sexuality. Count Orsino is infatuated with Olivia. Olivia is in love with Cesario, who is actually Viola. Viola, who is Cesario, wants Orsino [No Exit anyone?]. So Olivia is a lesbian but doesn't know it, and while Viola is a hetero girl, she might as well be a boy because no one can tell the difference, making her a pseudo-gay man. And once Orsino discovers that Cesario is not Cesario but Viola, he falls in love with him/her anyway, without ever seeing him/her as a woman, so he might as well be a pseudo-gay man too. Not to mention that Antonio is in love with Sebastian and feels compelled to declare so numerous times. How has John Waters not auteured his own version of this tale? And I did laugh out loud at a couple of points, so the 400 year old jokes aren't stale yet. Ah, and I also learned that Shakespeare penned the quote, "Some men are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them," which I'm a little embarassed to admit I didn't know. Unfortunately I have nothing of intellectual worth to proclaim about Twelfth Night, but people often forget that the majority of Shakespeare's audience weren't educated or literate; they just wanted to be entertained.

Next on my list is Measure for Measure, and I'll be sure to share my butchered, overly simplified impressions of that when I finish it.

Related Link: The Uncyclopedia's hilarious account of Two Gentlemen of Verona, starring Elvis and Mr. Rogers http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Two_gentlemen_of_verona

Beginnings and Finales

Taking a cue from a good friend of mine, I thought it would be a constructive use of my time to allow the rest of the world a peek into my strange mind. This is I believe the fourth blog I've started, but this time, I promise it's going to be a keeper (no, really). I've been unemployed since late January after the record store I worked at for nearly four years closed its doors rudely and abruptly. During that four year period, I consistently either worked two jobs or went to school full-time while working, or sometimes worked two jobs while going to school full-time. Basically, I'm just trying to let you know that I'm not lazy. Well, I wasn't lazy; right now let's just say I'm taking advantage of the down-time. As a dear friend of mine recently told me, "Kate, you're not wasting time, you're just opting out of it." While his statement is a euphimistic way of telling me I'm not doing anything with my life, I still like the sound of it.

There is no theme to my blog, no rhyme or reason. I just want a forum to gush and excercise my dormant writing muscles. My only ground rule is that there will be absolutely no angst, no drama, no dirty laundry. If I break this rule, I give everyone advance permission to chastise me, deduct cool points, take me off your top 8, or whatever punishment you see fit.

Seeing that I'm smoking while I type this, I suppose it's time I indulge another vice of mine--television. I just watched the season finale of my beloved House and am still drying my tears. I won't include any spoilers in case some of you plan to catch it online (http://www.fox.com/fod/play.php?sh=house). After watching The Office season finale, though, I'm noticing a trend: disappointment makes for good television. This isn't to say that I'm disappointed in the writing; it's that my expectations are disappointed, but that's what keeps me coming back. Long gone are the days of laugh tracks and happy endings. I only watch two shows on network television, so I'm not the most qualified observer, but I'm only left to assume that audiences have grown more cynical, and the producers are catering to that. Do we want to see characters happy or do we want their lives to reflect our own pitfalls and frustrations? We should be proud of Pam for going to art school, but we're not. Like a jealous girlfriend, we don't want the status quo disrupted in fear she will move on to better and brighter things, find a new television audience that has a better job and better clothes with a year-round tan and leave the rest of us in Scranton, sitting at the same desk with the same people putting up with the same shenanigans week in and week out. Don't leave us, Pam. You're the best receptionist an office could ask for. If we convince Toby to stay, will that change your mind?

Related cool thing you should check out: This American Life episode 328, "What I Learned from Television" http://www.thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1241